Saturday, November 10, 2012

Too Beautiful For Earth

(Image courtesy of the amazing team from Heartfelt)

It has been more than 10 months since I abandon my blog and focusing on other important things in life. So many things happened for the past months. I got pregnant, hubby injured his knee and had a surgery and the most heartbreaking of all is we just lost our baby.
It takes lots of courage for me to write about our beautiful baby angel, Gabrielle. I hope I answer some of your questions on why I've been missing and I would be appreciated if I have no more further questions regarding Gabrielle's passing.. Please bear with me as we are still very much coping and grieving. So here's our story about our beautiful baby girl ..

Our life changed completely 6 weeks ago. I always hear from people, having a baby will change our life to a better and will bring lots of joy to our family but we never expect this will change our life dramatically.  Despite of hubby's knee injury, I had healthy 9 months pregnancy all along. Swelling, carpal tunnel syndrome and morning sickness were only my problems. I was 41 weeks and 3 days when I gave birth to our baby girl. On our 2nd last check up, hubby kept asking the doctor to induce me as I was 5 days overdue and the doctor refused to do so to avoid complication and bleeding. Two days before I gave birth, I had bleeding and called the hospital. They asked me how much blood I had, I described to them it was like a first day period and I had no contraction. They told me that my body was preparing for labor and advised me to stay at home since I had no contraction.

The next morning, I went to see my recovering doctor (My usual doctor was away for a week), I told him my problem and he assured me that everything was fine (water, placenta, heartbeat were fine) and therefore I was scheduled to be induced the next morning unless the labor start early. At 3.30 am, my contraction began with 10 minutes apart, we called the hospital and they asked me to rush there. When we arrived, the midwife put me into CTG monitor and she had a hard time to find baby's heartbeat. She called another midwife and heart beat was still nowhere to be found. I asked them whether this is normal as they mentioned earlier it could be the machine itself playing up and I never had slightest thought in my mind that my baby already died inside my womb as we went to hospital feeling happy and relief that finally I came into normal labor, the midwife then said it's not normal but sometimes babies change their position. Half an hour later, the doctor came and they put me into ultrasound machine, then few minutes later, he said "I'm sorry, your baby has passed away". I feel like my heart was being ripped out and sounds like a joke, very cruel joke! I was crying hysterically and kept apologising to my husband. Hubby kept saying it's not my fault but the guilt is unbearable up until today. I was the one who carried our baby for the past 9 months, I should have been extra careful. Million and zillions questions in my head on why this happened to us without any signs or warning. We were feeling angry than ever, only if that fucking doctor induced me few days earlier and listened to our concerns, then the baby would have been fine and healthy, instead we are now losing our little angel and the usual doctor wasn't even there during the delivery! Fuck! Our world crashed since then, everything turned upside down.

I was induced couple hours later. At 7.22pm on 2nd October 2012, I gave birth to beautiful baby girl, Gabrielle. She's perfect like other normal newborn babies, only without heartbeat. During delivery, I still hope for one more miracle that I could hear Gabrielle's cry, instead the room filled with silent and emptiness, the world was at the loneliest place at that time.

A wise friend of mine once told me a birth of child is something very special like no other. During pregnancy, I asked myself or hubby questions many times whether I can be a great mom or whether the baby will like hubby more than me or any doubts as first time mom can be but I figured it would become real once I held our own baby in my arms. My wise friend is always right. There's nothing feeling more joy than holding our baby and laid eyes on her for the first time. An eternal love I could never imagine I have for my baby daughter. There will always be a mother instinct and bond between us. Only if I could see Gabrielle to open her eyes and hear her crying hysterically, that would have been even more perfect.

I am amazed with my husband's support as he also have to deal with his own grief but he pulled everything together up until today for me, for us. He kept saying after delivery that he was very proud of me. I honestly can't get through without his very loving support as well as my brave mother who gave me such a strength before delivery. Despite of the sorrow and sadness that we've been through over the past weeks, Hubby always tells me that Gabrielle is God's chosen one as she was born on Guardian Angel's day, exactly a week before my birthday and her soul will be back again soon, I do believe that. Gabrielle will always be our first child, she's never be a replacement for the next baby and I will always grieve for her forever.  I always believe that we can raise a healthy baby, even though I imagine my next pregnancy would be more paranoid but I know I can do it. We have a big faith on us, on our little family. We hope God will send us a baby brother or sister for Gabrielle soon to complete our family fairy tale. Our thoughts for getting pregnant soon and raising a healthy baby will give us hope and reason to smile again. 

Our Beautiful Angel
(Image Courtesy of the amazing midwife "Kate" from St Vincent Private Hospital, Melbourne)

The pictures in my head for the past 9 months, bringing home a baby to a brand new nursery room seems to be only just in my imagination for now. Everything was prepared for Gabrielle, this awful nightmare is not supposed to happen, we supposed to bring her home. We supposed to feel so much joy having her presence around the house. We are not supposed to leave the hospital empty handed without a baby. It's the worst feeling ever as a parent. Funeral then being arranged on the day after my birthday and said our last goodbye to our baby daughter with only very close friends and family attended. It was the hardest thing we've ever done in our entire life. When parents lost a child, they lost their future, time stop, it is for now until pain doesnt' feel as raw anymore. I read an eulogy for our baby girl. I imagined I would break down many times, but I stood and read there and pull myself together until the end. I owe it to our little girl to tell a story about her precious little life. I kissed her coffin many times and let her know that we love her very much, much more than words can say.

We are coping better each days, we take one day at a time. We have good days and bad days. The pain and guilt will always be here. The journey through grief will take shorter or longer process. Only time will heal. We would never got through this nightmare without loving supportive people around us,  that's all we ever need it. My sister, Christine who came all the way from London to be here with me during funeral and always beside me when I need the most support up until today. Her presence means the world to us. My mom and My mother in law who's been my saviour and gave me strength. Also our close friends who's always checking up on us every now and then to make sure we are okay. We also would like to thank people for showing their sympathy for us but some words are very hard to digest like "you are still young, you can have another baby" or "she's in better place now". I know they were trying to show their support but some words are actually very heartbreaking to hear, especially they are not in our shoes and they can never imagine how shatter we feel. So, pardon for my sensitivity at the moment. 

We are now still waiting for mild autopsy result to come back. Even though we don't really expect much from the result, but it'll be great to know the cause why our Gabrielle is gone and also a pre caution for my next pregnancy. I may never understand and comprehend why God took our baby girl so soon before us but I hope one day, I will. Life is such a mystery, never take anything for granted and always appreciate what we have before it becomes what we had.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

The Wedding Cake

3 tiers wedding cake

Happy New Year, everyone! Apologise for missing last week, I had very busy and interesting week as I prepared for my first wedding cake order for my friend's high school's friend who only came to Australia just for a wedding. As this is my first post for 2012, I thought that I prepare something exciting and very interesting to share.

3 tiers wedding cake

If you have been following me since last year, you may remember how exciting I was doing this wedding cake. Initially, the wedding cake was to cater for 50 people and it was supposed to be 2 tiers but the number changed just few weeks ago to 70 people, so I made 3 tiers instead.

3 tiers wedding cake

I made the sugar flowers since New Year's Eve, yes! you read that right.. I spent my NYE making these flowers. I rather be prepared early than last minute, incase anything goes wrong as I wanted to be as special and the best for someone's special day. I also have to say Thank You to my Hubby who assist me in last minute moment..  Speaking of the wedding cake, I still remember vividly our wedding cake 4 1/2 years ago.. It was 8 tiers cake and they were very beautiful. I remembered my brother in law saw it first on the reception and he rushed into the room and told us how beautiful our wedding cake was and they were, here's the below picture of our wedding cake...

Okay, Enough Said about me.. Let's talk about the wedding cake that I made for Andy and Mira.. 

3 tiers wedding cake

The base flavour of this cake is Chocolate Orange Cake. You can find the recipe here. As the couple are living in overseas, they decided not to keep the top tiers, so all tiers are served for the guests.

3 tiers wedding cake

I must say this is one of another epic cake after Minnie Mouse Cake that I did last year for my high school's friend's daughter 1st birthday and I have one more epic cake coming later at the end of the month before we go to USA for holiday in less than 2 weeks time. I can't wait.. 3 1/2 weeks in USA...  Last but not least, Happy Wedding to Andy and Mira.

3 tiers wedding cake

For anyone in Melbourne, Australia interested in custom cake and dessert order, please contact me on

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Toy Story Cupcakes

Toy Story Cupcakes

Just before the year ends, I thought I share this toy story cupcakes that I made for order for my friend, Adina. If you have been following me from last year, you may remember that I made the birthday cake for her son, Lachlan's 1st birthday cake. They had small birthday celebration in his prep before they went back to Indonesia for holiday.  Last year, Lachlan was a big fan of winnie the pooh but this year, he's into Toy story especially Buzz Lightyear. As there are quite many characters in Toy story, it's perfect to make different kind of character for each cupcake.

Toy Story Cupcakes

The base flavour of the cupcake is Milo Cupcake with Vanilla Frosting and desiccated coconut. They are one of my favourite base flavour for the cupcake. Who doesn't love Milo cupcake? Even I'm as an adult still love Milo, lot and lots of Milo. Okay, enough said.. Let me share some recipes for Milo Cupcake. Last but not least, Happy 2nd Birthday Lachlan and Happy New Year 2012 for all of you..

Milo Cupcake
(Makes 12 Cupcakes)

Toy Story Cupcakes

100g Plain Flour
20g Cocoa Powder
100g Milo
140g Caster Sugar
1 1/2 teaspoon Baking Powder
Pinch of Salt
40g Unsalted Butter, at room temperature
120ml Whole Milk
1 Egg
1/4 teaspoon Vanilla Extract

1. Preheat Oven to 170ÂșC. Put the flour, cocoa powder, sugar, milo, baking powder, salt and butter in a mixer with paddle attachment. Beat on slow speed until you get a sandy consistency and everything is combined.

2. Whisk the milk, egg and vanilla extract together then slowly pour about half into the flour mixture, beat to combine and turn the mixer up to high speed to get rid of any lumps.

3. Turn the mixer down to a slower speed and slowly pour in the remaining milk mixture. Continue mixing for a couple more minutes until the mixture is smooth. Do not overmix.

4. Spoon the mixture into the paper cases until two-thirds full and bake in the preheated oven for 20-25 minutes, or until skewer inserted in the centre should come out clean. Leave the cupcakes to cool slightly in the tray before turning out onto a wire cooling rack to cool completely.

Vanilla Frosting

Toy Story Cupcakes


250g Icing Sugar, sifted
80 g Unsalted Butter, at room temperature
25ml Whole milk
Few drops of Vanilla Extract
Desiccated Coconut
Green and Pink Food Colouring

1. Beat the icing sugar and butter together in electric mixer on medium-slow speed until mixture comes together and is well mixed.

2. Turn the mixer down to slow speed. Combine the milk and vanilla extract in a separate bowl, then add to the butter mixture a couple of tablespoon at a time.  

3. Once the the milk has been incorporated, turn the mixer up to high speed. Continue beating until the frosting is light and fluffy, at least 5 minutes. The longer the frosting is beaten, the fluffier and lighter it becomes.

Assembling the  Toy Story Cupcake

Toy Story Cupcakes

1. Divide the desiccated coconut into 2 bowls, dyed coconut into green colouring on 1st bowl and pink colouring on 2nd bowl.

2.Using an ice cream scoop full of frosting to get the right shaped and then dipped in coconut. Press the coconut on and tidy up the shape. 

3. Place each toy story characters on top of the cupcake. 

Happy 2nd Birthday, Lachlan!

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Christmas Butterscotch Madeleine

Christmas Buttescotch Madeleine

As we are still celebrating festive season, let me share another christmas treats which I gave to my colleagues this year. If you have been following me since beginning, you may remember Lemon Curd Melting Moments from last year christmas treats. This year I was thinking to make something different and I had so many christmas ideas but at the end, I ended up with something simple, yet very christmassy. Well, simple is more.  I have to admit that I love sprinkles, they really do wonders and gives a wow factor on the final product.

Christmas Buttescotch Madeleine

I have the madeleine tray since mid this year. As I have been busy doing cake and cupcake orders, I just didn't have time to use them. I used the butterscotch madeleine recipe from Bills Basic by Bill Granger. They are very simple to make and turned out very light and spongy. Once they are cooled, I dipped each madeleine into White Candy Melts and colourful christmas sprinkle and leave them on the baking tray until dry. If you don't have white candy melts available, you can also use white chocolate compound and put them in the microwave for few seconds until they are melted.

Christmas Buttescotch Madeleine

I had a really fun time making this christmas madeleine. It was always a great feeling when receiving great feedback from colleagues.  Once again, Merry Christmas and hope you have a wonderful time with your loved ones..

Butterscotch Madeleines
(Adapted from Bills Basic by Bill Granger)

Christmas Buttescotch Madeleine

100g Unsalted Butter
2 tablespoon Golden Syrup
2 Eggs
60g Caster Sugar
75g Plain Flour, Sifted
1 teaspoon Baking Powder

1. Preheat the oven to 170° C. Grease a madeleine tray and dust with flour, shaking off the excess.

2. Melt the butter in a small pan. Remove from the heat, stir in the syrup and leave to cool.

3. Meanwhile, whisk the eggs, sugar and a pinch of salt until pale and fluffy. Add the flour, baking powder and syrup mixture and fold everything together.

4. Spoon the mixture into the madeleine tray and bake for about 8-10 minutes. Cool on a wire rack.

To decorate
Christmas Sprinkle or other colourful Sprinkles
White Candy Melt from Wilton or White Chocolate Compound

Melt the candy Melt or White Chocolate Compound on the microwave for few seconds until melt but not overly burn. Dipped each madeleine into the melted white chocolate and then into the sprinkles. Leave them on the baking tray to dry.  Once they are ready, put them in the bag and wrap them with christmas ribbon and lovely christmas cards made by my hubby.

Christmas Buttescotch Madeleine

Ta-da.. There they are.. Christmas Butterscotch Madeleine... 

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Christmas Themed Cake

Christmas Cake

Merry Christmas Everyone! Although I wish for snow and white christmas but it is so impossible here in Australia. Oh well, I have to wait another month when we visit USA and think that it's still christmas.. I really miss christmas being around with the family and it's sometimes hard when it's only two of us here (me and hubby). Therefore, our close friends here is our surrogate family..

Christmas Cake

I made this christmas themed cake for my husband's long time client as a a gift.  My first idea in my head making this cake was actually totally different on how the cake turned out at the end. To be honest, I was almost gave up on the cake as it was a terrible covering a cake with fondant on humid hot weather but luckily hubby came up with different idea. Ohh.. Thank god for that.. How lucky I am to have him on my back as always who never give up on me.. 

Christmas Cake

The flavour base of this cake is Caramel Mud Cake with Caramel frosting. I made the holly leaf the day before and placed them in the apple tray to give the effect on the shape when they dry. I am very happy that hubby's client loves the cake very much and I received a great feedback from them. Meanwhile, I would like to wish you a very Merry Christmas and Thank you for all your support for this year. Looking forward for another interesting sweet year of 2012.

Christmas Themed Cake

Christmas Cake

Caramel Mud Cake
(I made 2 batches for this cake)

250g Unsalted Butter
200g White Chocolate
450g Brown Sugar
375ml Water
300g Plain Flour
100g Self Raising Flour
1 teaspoon Vanilla Extract
3 Eggs, beaten lightly

1. Preheat oven to 160°C. Grease 20cm cake pan.  Line base and side with baking paper, extending paper 5cm above edge of the pan.

2. Combine butter, chocolate, sugar and the water in a medium saucepan. Stir over low heat until mixture is smooth. Transfer mixture to a large bowl, cool 15 minutes. Whisk in flours, then essence and eggs.

3. Pour mixture into prepared pan, bake for about 1 hour and 30 minutes or until skewer poked in the centre of the cake comes out clean. Leave the cake in the pan until cool. 

Caramel Frosting

125g Butter, chopped
200g Brown Sugar
80ml Milk
250g Icing Sugar 

Melt butter in a saucepan. Stir in brown sugar and milk, bring to a boil. Reduce the heat, simmer and uncovered 3 minutes to cool. Gradually stir in the icing sugar until frosting is spreadable consistency.

How to assemble

1. I cut each cake into two layers and spread them with caramel frosting. 

2. Ganache the cake with dark chocolate ganache. You can find the recipe here

3. Cover the cake with fondant and decorate with holly leaf and some pearl sprinkles.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Large Sugar Flowers

Large Sugar Flowers

Recently, I enrolled the Large Sugar Flower Class with Handi Mulyana at The Cake School. Handi is awarded for cake decorator of the year 2011 and known for his outstanding quality for his sculpted cake. Handi is actually based in Sydney and I missed his classes when he was in Melbourne back in August as most of his classes were fully booked. So, I've been waiting for his next visit to Melbourne. Fortunately, The Cake School, that just recently open in Ringwood, Melbourne invited Handi Mulyana as a guest teacher. My dream comes true!

Large Sugar Flowers

For the past 3 months, Hubby has asked me many times on what I really wanted for my 30th birthday present. I know, I know.. my birthday was actually 2 months ago and I keep changing my mind every time hubby asked me those questions. When I found out that Handi was coming to Melbourne, I finally made up my mind and Hubby bought me "Large Sugar flower classes with Handi Mulyana" as a birthday present and early christmas present. It is a great investment for my cake decorating knowledge after all.  At the end of the day, If I want to learn some techniques and tips about the cake decorating world, I should learn from the best and Handi is proven to be one of the them!

Large Sugar Flowers

For 2 days classes, we learned on how to make Large Open Peony Rose, Classic Roses and Large Magnolia and some hydrangeas. I'm really glad that I took this class as I never make sugar flowers before and I need to learn this for making wedding cake next month. I have lots of room for improvement but I guess for my first attempt making sugar flowers, they are not that bad and even Handi mentioned to me at the end of the class. Hubby and friends are also quite impressed on my flowers turned out. At the moment, I have started making few sugar flowers at home to practice and It is becoming addictive hobby now.

Large Sugar Flowers

I can not rate Handi high enough as a teacher, He is an amazing and fun teacher and learned a lot from him. I guess this is not going to be the last class that I'm going to have with Handi Mulyana and The Cake School, there will be more to come.  Last but not least, Thanks to Hubby for a great birthday and Christmas present!

Large Sugar Flowers

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Boobs Cake

Boobs Cake

Beware children.. It's an adult only cake..:)

First of all, I apologise for missing last week. I had the busy week with cake/ cupcake orders. Great to be back again..

Boobs Cake

I made this cake for my colleague who recently resigned and he's a also a very good friend of mine.He decided to open his own business in Mornington area. It was quite sad that he had to leave the company but I guess people move on at some point and they had to do what they have been dreaming to do for such a long period of time. I admired for his decision, I hope that I have the guts to do the same thing one day.. However, I was browsing for farewell gift for him and thought making a boobs cake would be a great idea.. He really loved them and can not stop laughing when I presented the gift to him..

Boobs Cake

I used Sports Ball Pan by Wilton to make the boobs and used the fondant to finish off the cake. The base flavour of the cake is the mud cake. You can find the recipe here

Also for anyone in Melbourne, interested in custom cake/ dessert order for birthday, wedding or other special occasion, please contact me on 

Just to share my little excitement and a hint as well.. I am making first wedding cake order in January 2012.. I can not wait to start and of course will share more info on this blog...

Last but not least, Bon Voyage, Gary.. I really wish you all the best for the new journey... 


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